New me, is that you?

Me to myself, a year ago : “These people are actually trying to make this Tour De France look a thing ? It could never be me.”

Also me, yesterday : “Noreen, can you take a picture of me in these things?”

Noreen : ” Get on Dad’s car. I got you.”

Have you ever looked at a trend or hairstyle and thought to yourself, I could never do that? And you end up dismissing it because the real reason is because its your insecurities talking? Just me? Ok. Well…I’ve decided that this year is for trying whatever the fuck I want . Wanna join me?

So, here is a list of things I once believed I would never do in the aesthetics department :

-Wear braids or have natural hair , I thought it wasn’t my aesthetic. ( ma’am, have you seen how cute your girl looks in braids? Shiiyyyiiiiiiiit.)

-Shave the sides of my head. Always wanted to but thought….nah.

-Wear Tour De France 

These are real and true things I actually believed I would NEVER do. They were not “me”. At the time the images above did not match the one I wanted to project to the world. But guess what they did match? My actual true desires.

Part of facing yourself is asking yourself some really good questions. The one related to this post for me was, ” Why did you put yourself in a box Lo? Isn’t it bad enough that society already works overtime to do this for you?” I just had to over achieve, go above and beyond and do it for myself it seems. But why?

My answer ? Truth is I never took the time to sit and really get to know myself. Hell, your girl didn’t even try . I fully subscribed to who I thought I should be , what I thought I should look like etc because… well, because it was easier. The blueprint was already drawn , I just had to build from there. Trying to discover myself or nurture those lil’ voices in my head was scary and too much work. Worse, it was too different to what was “normal” or standard for me.

Guess what the crazy part was? No-one was really forcing me to be or stay in this box. Your girl was limiting herself. It’s me. Im your girl. The day I cut my hair or looked at myself with a head full of beautiful box braids not only did I look hella cute, I saw someone I wasn’t afraid to get to know anymore. I slowly started to realise that , those feelings were glorious moments of absolute freedom from precious concerns that I should have never held on to.

• 

• 

It’s still the beginning of the year and it’s that time where we are writing our lists of what we should or shouldn’t do to be that person we want to be. We are focused on making ourselves new again. I know I am. Putting on these 20 year old cycling shorts my mother let me have reminded me to listen to my inner voice and challenge the norm that I may create for myself out of fear and insecurity. I want to listen to the voice that says “try whatever the fuck you want girl!” .

Instead of daring myself to be different, im gonna dare myself to be…myself

I hope your new year has started off well even if it hasn’t started off as intended. More than that, I hope your new you, is your YOU you.

I think the excitement of doing something new and maybe a little dangerous is just what your psyche needs. Like me wearing cycling shorts (something new) sitting on top on my father’s favorite car (something a little dangerous)

I’m psyched.

What new and dangerous things are on your list this year? 

x