Champagne Problems: Struggling With My Privilege

Champagne Problems: Struggling With My Privilege

I wrote this the morning of the internet shutdown, right before we knew what was gonna happen. I wasn’t sure if I should share it and actually thought not to for fear of it being problematic and possibly insensitive . I remembered that I made a promise to myself to not move scared and speak with my chest. If this post is indeed problematic I’d like to be called out on it so I can check myself and my privilege. Here goes!

I possibly had the deepest meditation I’ve had in my whole life this morning. I  opened my eyes and felt something similar to post-orgasm clarity. 

You see, for the last few days I have been excited to start my day. I’ve been a present friend, sister, daughter, dog-mom and lover candidate. As a person that lives with severe depression and its associated conditions, days like this are few and far between for a good portion of my life.

I live for these days.

However in the last couple of days I have felt guilty for being fully present in the days I live for. At the moment , Zimbabwe, a great love of my life is in pain, anger, frustration, confusion, heartbreak and depression. As an empath Im going to be honest and say Im struggling to balance these rivalling emotions. 

Should you be this happy Lo when the city is literally on fire? Isn’t it insensitive to be sharing your good days on your instagram while folks are going through the most?

I feel guilty to have woken up with a smile on my face and joy in my heart when so many of my people are making some very critical decisions for their survival while I decide which Nike set im going to wear for my work out this morning. 

Last night, a coworker messaged our group to tell us that soldiers were walking through her neighbourhood beating people up. “Be Safe, Stay Inside” one colleague responded. 2 mins later another said  “ Switch off all the lights” 

This is the reality in the country I love and the experience of people I know and care about. I feel guilty because I can’t even wrap my head around that. I feel guilty because as she was switching off her lights and locking her doors at 8pm I was trying to figure out what I would watch on Netflix.

I feel guilty because I have purposely stayed off timelines and news channels because I don’t want the national crisis to fuck up the 7 good days I have a month because my Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder  decided to take a break at the same time as the nation was shutting down.

But should I feel this way? God? Help! 

Photo Cred : Zanele Mhlaba

My meditation was solely focused on finding a balance with these thoughts and emotions on how  I could  still cherish my little window period and also do what comes naturally and dutifully to me. A lot of you may not really be aware of the fact that the core of my work and that of my organisation is rooted in civil society , freedom of expression and development. Speaking truth to power is our lead gene. A group of us literally wake up and go to work everyday to come up with creative ways that we can positively raise awareness, inform, contribute to and develop  the society we live in and care about.  I hope that can explain my internal struggle.

But in these early hours I made a decision, Ive decided that im not going to feel guilty. I can’t. Its irresponsible. If I don’t have the courage to do what others are doing, I can have the courage to do what I can do.

I have light and clarity right now in a place where things are clouded in dank submission.  I’m sure I can do something with  that. Surely.

If there is any kind of light in you right now I encourage you and implore you to take a second to feed it.  Let it shine. Please?

We need it. We need to BE IT. If you have the safe space and time to gather your self and gather your strength while others are brave enough to fight and stand for us do so. Please?

Let’s balance each other. 

So I hope when you are down you find the reminder, distraction and sign you need to wipe your tears  & think of a better day. Even if its just for a second.

There will always be light.

Welcome Back To LOCHNATION

Welcome Back To LOCHNATION
I remember when I first started the first version of this blog 5 years ago, my world as i had known it had changed. I was trying to find my old self in a new world and failed. However, in failling, I found something awesome instead; I found passion and purpose. I was inspired by the words of encouragement & comfort written by a mother to a daughter who felt lost – She said, “ Look inside yourself and find what’s holding you back, you can create whole worlds girl” (Ntozake Shange, Sassafrass, Cypress & Indigo).
I remember exactly where I was when I read those words for the first time. I especially recall what I thought my life would have in store for me. I’ve never been so glad to be wrong! Ntozake’s words will remain with me forever , reminding me how i started discovering & believing in myself.
Your girl can create whole worlds plz. It’s me, im your girl. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how LOCHNATION was born. A world, my world, where I am King.  A place where I  celebrate and share my  love of life, art and culture and of the pursuit of happiness. I needed & wanted a space to document how I can create and celebrate myself (again) and find special ways to celebrate others while I’m at it.
This blog is inspired by my journey and fight from darkness; my pure and raw desire to design life, the pride in showcasing my work & the art that surrounds me and, most importantly, the audacity to explore, find and be my true authentic self. Here you will expect to see all the things I truly enjoy about being able to be alive ; from my work in the arts, my travels, my health and wellness journey and all the fun things I’ve always been too scared to try. 
I have reconnected with all the “lil’ accents that make me a King” and  I’m glad to be brave enough to restart my blogging journey again. Im shit scared because right now, today as I write this I really care what you think, I really want you to like what I have to share and I really want you to like me. But my goal is that somewhere along the journey, that will change, and I won’t give a fuck.
I DO hope  though, that every time you visit LOCHNATION you leave with some bit of enlightenment, entertainment, education or encouragement.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
I hope you have YOUR year
x